I'M ON A WENDY WILLIAMS DIET

So some of you may be wondering why the Wendy Williams and Omarosa fiasco hasn't graced this site. Well, being that Diva Chronicles does not stand for consistent pitfalls in fashion, weave choice, and class, Wendy Williams is not worthy of being mentioned.

Omarosa, a cute girl, but still not my cup of tea. Hopefully she'll leak a sex tape with Chance from I Love New York. Maybe then she'll be relevant again.

That is all.

ENDAGERED DIVA #1

Well Tasia Mae, I do believe you are approaching your 14th minute of fame. Us blacks thought Fantasia would be the answer to modern music when we broke our fingers to get her that American Idol title and what do we get? Pink hair, crotch sweat, and cat suits is what we get.

You thought Tasia Mae would've got it pushing after Jennifer Let Me Eat Cake Hudson had her unbelievable year. (Expect us to include J Hud on this list soon...we've had an Effie before, we know how this thing is going to go down.)

However, Fantasia has fallen from being a talented and slightly illiterate media darling to being Lil Mo with a little rasp on her throat. She also missed 50 performances in the Color Purple and has let tawdry pictures (like the one shown above) pop up in the wrong hands.

I think your career can be saved Fantasia. So put down the dick and the baby and get in the studio! (and the gym)

DIVA IN DISTRESS: BERNADETTE STANIS

Going through a messy divorce? Just lost your mother to cancer? Losing your house to the man? Well, call up Bernadette Stanis and for $12.99 she will make your world feel all better!

We are not making this up! Go to her website www.myspace.com/thelmaofgoodtimes and read all about it. For a small fee, she will call you for any special occassion or celebration you can think of.

I don't know about you, but if Thelma from Good Times calls me, I am going to cuss her out for wasting my daytime minutes. If I would have to pick a washed up television diva to call me, I would at least pick Darius McCrary from Family Matters. Messing around with Superhead probably has given him some exciting stories to tell... and herpes.

THERE SHE BLOWS!

Fiery soul singing diva, Chaka Khan was photographed in Sydney, Austrailia this weekend wearing this monstrosity of an ensemble. Someone at Lane Bryant needs to be harpooned for selling her this tacky leather freakum rag.

YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!

The apple don't fall far from the tree! As you might have read, we kinda dogged out Bobby Brown in our Father's Day post. Hey, we couldn't help it! Any man who admittingly digs into Whitney Houston's culo to fetch a turd needs to be treated at least once. However, Bobby wasn't always wretched. Between the years 0f 1988 to 1992, he was somewhat delicious, but only for those four years.

Anyway, Bobby's oldest and almost forgotten son, Landon Brown, has gone and spoken against comedian Bill Bellamy. Yes, Bill "lost in 90's pop culture" Bellamy. The last time anybody gave a damn about his ass was when he was in that television show with Tiffany Amber Thiesen who play Kelly Kapowski on Saved by the Bell. Study your TV Guides. The show was called Fastlane and lasted 0.4 seasons.

"I don’t like Bill Bellamy and I don’t care who knows it," Landon says. "My mother and my manager would tell me not to say anything, but I don’t give a damn right now. I don’t like him. I was going to punch that nigga."

"He came to my step-father’s (Carl Payne of Martin fame) performance at Stevie’s. He picks up a bread basket, takes the bread out of the basket, takes the napkin out and walks around for a collection. He walks around and takes up a collection and then gives it to my father. It didn’t have to be Bill Bellamy! I could have been any man, any of my family. I hold them very highly. There’s no way you are going to disrespect my father like that and I’m not going to whip your ass. I should have whipped his ass right then and there, but my grandfather was there and he wanted to whip his ass too. You just don’t do that. You don’t disrespect at somebody’s show. And I hold a grudge!”

Well Landon, if you hold a grudge it should be against Bobby. We did get to see you once on the comical Being Bobby Brown show, but we all know that he was never there for you. And here you are trying to channel his spirit and bad boy attitude on MTV's Rock the Cradle. Although we think you are very tasty, maybe you need to spend your spare time trying to get into counseling sessions with your dear old dad. At least he is not locked up in county right now.

DIVA MOMENT OF THE WEEK: AL SHARPTON QUEENS OUT ON LIL WAYNE

Sheriff Hustler Deacon Reverand Al Sharpton is vexed with Lil Wayne over "Misunderstood," a song that mocks Sharpton and questions his integrity.



The song says:

“You see, you are no MLK/ You are no Jesse Jackson/ You are nobody to me/ You’re just another Don King with a perm/ Just a little more political/ And that just means you a little more un-human/ Than us humans/ And now let me be human by saying/ F**k Al Sharpton and anyone like him”


Sharpton had his people call TV blogs The Daily Fix with a response.

“While some of the rappers don’t like the fact that Rev. Sharpton has been leading marches against the degradation of women in music, a Gallup poll released last week revealed that Rev. Sharpton has a 50% approval rate among African-Americans. So why dignify a response to one rap artist who doesn’t even say anything substantive," a Sharpton rep said.

Oh come the fuck on. Al takes the high road when his integrity is outright questioned but fights like a dog at the trivial war of what Nas should name his album. Hate to say this but Weezy is right, Sharpton is a false leader supports the cause that he can financial capitalize on.

And in case any of us forgot, when have we ever trusted a brutha with a perm?

KEEP IT CUTE HONEY!!!

Shante Broadus was arrested on drunk driving charges, officially proving just why Snoop's triflin ass is with her.

We don't get it. These celebrities claim to make oodles of money but don't think to spend the extra bread to get a personal driver.

Shante. Baby. Girl. You're a mother. Please be more responsible. Keep it cute!

ONE MOLESTER, TWO MOLESTER: TO JAIL THEY WILL NOT GO

Well I guess it's true what they say....make a hit album and all is forgiven. R. Drip Drip Drip Kelly was acquitted of all charges in his child pornography case.

Counting Michael Jackson, that makes two middle-aged, pathetically perverted and mentally unstable Grammy winning entertainers who have done their dirt and paid to have it cleaned up.

R. Kelly's career will now go back to normal and we can look forward to yet another two years of him remixing everyone's songs.....even though none of us ever asked for it. Word is that he has a remix of "Love in this Club" featuring Patti LaBelle, Melba Moore, and the surving members of Levert in the works.

HOWEVER THERE WAS ONE LOSER OF THIS TRIAL........



Lisa Van Allen. Oh Lisa, Lisa, Lisa. You got all glammed up just to tell the world that you are a dirty, theiving, pedophile enabling whore.

If that wasn't enough, the defense presented evidence that you injected yourself into the case with false testimony. If matters weren't worse, you then had to admit stealing a $20,000 watch from Kells.

You're a down on your luck broad and are the biggest disgrace to come from Chicago since the Cha Cha slide. You have now taken Superhead's title as being the sluttiest tramp in Black Hollywood. (With Meagan Good running a close second)

MARIAH AND NICK: THE PEDOHILLIA OF MIMI

Oh Mariah, sweet lesbionic but brilliant Mariah. We thought that if you were going to go for a hot, young, sexy lover you would've chosen Alicia Keys. But we underestimated you. You chose career sliding but the ever so scrumptious Nick Cannon.

The marriage is a good look on two parts. Nick gets to spend money he hasn't seen since Drumline and Mariah gets to keep this whole American Pie Stiffler's mom thing going which has done wonders for record sales.

All good jokes must come to an end however, and we believe that when all is said and done, Nick will reach the stark realization that the only person who wears the pants in Mariah's house is DaBrat.

That's why we here at Diva Chronicles have targeted February 14, 2009 as D Day for this LGBT Circus to cease.

We are also making a similar prediction for Aloecious Hotbox and Ursula Furback. (see below)

MIRANDA PRIESTLY'S CORNER

MIRANDA SAYS: COMPLETE AND TOTAL DISASTER!



Well, well, well. Kimberly Jones, you've disappointed us yet again. As if being locked up liked a common Foxy Brown wasn't enough, you have foolishly decided that being black comes with too much baggage. So, you decided to go for a safer, more talented race...the Chinese. Over the last year we have seen you transform from a vibrant, slutty fashion forward jezebel to a middle aged Korean porn shop owning madame deep in Spanish Harlem.

Cost-effective plastic surgery jobs, reposessed luxury cars, and Loehmen's purchased outfits like these will not bring you back to hip hop royalty. Need we not mention your current stint on the underwhelmingly popular CW tragedy, Girlicious. Get it together girl, we're entering a recession. Now is the not the time to go all crazy Elizabeth Taylor on us!