HILLARY CLINTON TALKS

After her bruising defeat to Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton grudgingly gave over the title and went into seclusion...until now.

We sat down with Hillary to discuss her future plans and her thoughts on the presidential race. No subject was taboo in this in depth interview. Below is an excerpt of our conversation.

DC: So Hillary, thank you for meeting with us. We are honored to have this opportunity.

HC: Oh, it is my pleasure. So many things have been said about me during my campaigne for the democratic presidential nomination that I need to get certain things straight. For instance, I think that Barack is an excellent choice even if he is black! Me and my husband have always supported you people.

DC: You people? Did you just say you people?

HC: Now let's not get sensitive now. You know what I meant.

DC: Anyway, since you have brought up Barack, is there any hard feelings there between the two of you? Are you bitter?

HC: Bitter? I am not bitter. If I was bitter he would be dead. Wait a minute... I might need to make a note of that.

DC: Hillary!

HC: What? I said nothing. You heard nothing.

DC: Well, lets get down to the nitty gritty... the dick and balls of the matter. People say that you are willing to do anything in your power to stop Barack from winning in November so that you can run again in 2012.

HC: That is so not true. I fully support Barack. I have even decided to buy billboard space in Time Square for him. It will read "Vote for Barack. Hey, he can't be worse than Bush."

DC; You can't be serious.

HC: Of course not (she laughs). I can't afford to buy a billboard in Times Square. I'm up to my tits in debt.

DC: So what are you going to do?

HC: I'm going to smoke this joint I rolled on the way over here that's what I'm going to do. Can you pass me a lighter?

DC: Hill, honey. We at Diva Chronicles don't promote the use of illegal drugs.

HC: It's Kush.

DC: Are matches okay?

HC: How Cooley High. I starred in that movie you know. Remember the girl who threw the rent party? That was me.

DC: Um, Hill. I don't think so. She was black.

HC: I was wearing heavy makeup.

DC: So essentially you're saying you were in black face.

HC: I didn't say that.

DC: Well you said you were in the movie.

HC: What movie. We weren't talking about any movie. This is because I'm a woman isn't it? You know what, fuck you! I'm taking my weed and getting the hell out of here.

DC: That's fine, sweetie, but can you at least give us back our book of matches?

HC: Hell no! I might have lost my nomination to a black man, but I am not going to lose my matches to one. A queen at that!

The interview ended here. Hillary should learn how to see a punch coming. You know its people like her that make it hard to keep a clean record!