BRITISH MUSIC HEADS SAY "NAH, I'M GOOD" TO JAY Z

Jay Z is not the cup of tea in Britain. Fans have objected Jay Z being the headliner of this year's Glastonbury Music Festival, a traditionally rock and roll event.

Even Trip-Hop artist Tricky (Yes, Lynn’s music partner and boyfriend on the TV show “Girlfriends”) has chimed in.

In an interview on Friday with the U.K.’s National Post, he said “I can understand in some ways, because an American artist headlining Glastonbury is probably a bit weird for people. And the fact that it’s an urban artist - and he’s not actually that good."

Wow. Sounds like haters to me. Fuck Tricky. He's just mad because Girlfriends could go into syndication for a trillion fa-fillion years and he will never see the money Jigga presently has. Keep it pushing Jigga and stack ya bread.

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF...

Everyone is still reeling from Alicia Keys performance on the BET Awards. SWV, TLC, EnVogue??? Who could have asked for more? Okay, I have heard people say that Total and Xscape were missing, but I say no.

If you think about it, Alicia brought back three groups that were kind of the queens of their individual genres. SWV gave you a kind of round the way, soulful girl vibe. EnVogue were the funky divas who could harmonize like no other. And TLC were the leaders of the "New Jill Swing" movement. Xscape, Total, and other groups road their coattails.

But what guys would we like to see up there? Who would we like to see someone like Usher or Chris Brown bring on stage? Once again, we have broke them up in categories. What is your opinion?


Silk or Boyz II Men? Just like EnVogue, they gave us some great vocals. But who would we want to see do a reunion?

We will go with Boyz II Men, but it was a close call. Only if all four members are there and they sing some of their stuff from CooleyHighHarmony.


Guy or BlackStreet? Both good groups, both with Teddy Riley, but which could stand up to the excitement we had when TLC took the stage.

This one goes to BlackStreet. It would be even hotter if Dave Hollister joined them for Before I Let You GO.


We could see both H-Town and Jodeci just chilling around the hood singing and turning heads with their thug appeal. SWV were our favorite round the way girls, but who is truely their male counterparts.

JODECI! JODECI! JODECI! No contest! Hopefully, Devante Swing would have his stuff back together and look like the sexy mf that we leanred to love.

Plus, with the death of Dino from H-Town, it just wouldn't be the same.

A WEE BIT OF WEEKLY SCRUMPTULENCE: THE MEN OF TYLER PERRY'S PLAYS

Terrell Carter

Christian Keyes

Ryan Gentles

Tyler Perry sure knows how to pick em. He picks some of the sexiest men for his movies and plays. Think about the movies... Boris, Shemar, Idris, Michael Jai White... need we go on?

Ryan Gentiles, Christian Keyes, and Terrell Carter have been at the heart of many of his plays. They made plays like Madea Goes to Jail and What Happens in the Dark even more enjoyable.

We welcome these men onto our tv screens and our beds as well!

JENNIFER HAS A TASTE OF BEEFCAKE IN THE SPOTLIGHT

Gold star for Jennifer for her new video "Spotlight." She looks fierce as ever and was accompanied by leading man, Ryan Gentles.

HEATHER LOCKLEAR CHECKS IN TO MENTAL HOSPITAL

Melrose Place actress Heather Locklear recently checked into a mental health facility and is being treated for anxiety and depression.

Her doctor has revealed that he felt Locklear is suicidal and needed to get some urgent help.

We here at Diva Chronicles have no intention on kicking an aged diva while she's down. Hollywood has already done that. We do wish Heather the best and hope she can get better and do some FABULOUS comeback show with Jimmy Smits or something of that nature...

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: REAL WORLD HOLLYWOOD

So much drama stuffed in an hour, but we can sum it up in a few statements.

- Nick is so extra! After Sarah aka Ms Prim and Proper Perfection gets drunk, Nick decides it is funny to take pictures of her puking in a trash can. Maybe if it was Will or Dave, this action could have been strangely justifiable, but he has only been there two weeks! Like we have said before, he is getting WAY TOO COMFORTABLE!

- Sarah and Nick have it out somewhere between her fifth to sixth hour throwing up. During the whole camera incident, Sarah calls Nick "Charles Barkley". Lets see, they both have close shaved heads and love white women. The comparison is not so far fetched. THey patch things up between them after the lamest argument ever, but are still keeping their distance.

- Brianna goes in the studio to record a demo. The song is actually something that I could hear being played on the radio. She has talent. Big ups to her!

- Sarah, Kim, and Nick get a chance to work for movies.com. During their experience they meet a upbeat, motivating guy with cancer who is supervising the project. He especially takes to Nick who he deeply believes in. When news comes that he has passed away in the hospital, Nick is hit the hardest.

Next week, the cast goes to Mexico. Drinking, foursomes, and heartbreak lie in the horizon. I can't wait!

BET AWARDS PLAY BY PLAY: MAXWELL IS BACK

In the second most scream worthy moment of the night, Maxwell graced the BET stage to sing Simply Beautiful during the Al Green tribute. There wasn't a dry seat in the house.

The man may have cut off his hair, but never did he lose any cool.

And since we are here... REVEREND AL GREEN! His music had everyone in the place grooving. Good music has the power to cross generational lines and everyone from Jordin Sparks to Mary Mary to Derek Luke were singing every word. Preach on Preacher!

BET AWARDS PLAY BY PLAY: CHRIS BROWN

Let us go on record to say that Chris Brown is the coldest R&B male out right now. Vocally, he is a very competent singer. He can hang with Usher, Justin, and Ne-Yo. His dancing skills, however, is where he really shines.

After singing his hit With You which sounded better than Usher and Ne-Yo's earlier performances, he joined Ciara in a dance break. These bitches worked it out and Ms. CiCi looked FABULOUS! Go young talent!

BET AWARDS PLAY BY PLAY: ALICIA PERFORMS; BRING OUTS FABULOUS DIVAS

Alicia Keys is fabulous all besides herself, but she has done something simply mind blowing that we at Diva Chronicles couldn't help but stand on our sofa and scream!

Ms. Keys started her set by performing Teenage Love Affair. She looked bronzed and beautiful on the stage. She started singing SWV "Weak" and in a shocker that only BET could bring you, Leelee, Coko, and Taj took the stage.

Another change of song led us to En Vogue; Maxine, Terry, Cindy, and Dawn. It was wonderful to see all four of them together again.

Lastly, Alicia announced it wasn't over and brought out T-Boz and Chilli to sing Waterfalls. One couldn't help but miss Left Eye, but it was still simply beautiful so see all our vintage divas.

BET AWARDS PLAY BY PLAY: THE DREAM A NO SHOW?

I know it's summer and every rib joint from LA to Biloxi has a special going on, but what could've been on The Dream's schedule that would've kept him from showing up to get his Best New Artist trophy?

BET AWARDS PLAY BY PLAY: USHER PERFORMS TWICE?

OOPS...THAT WAS NE-YO. THEIR PERFORMANCES WERE SO SIMILAR WE GOT CONFUSED. OUR MISTAKE. CUTE SUIT THOUGH!

BET AWARDS PLAY BY PLAY: KEYSHIA COLE STINKS UP THE JOINT

We love you Keyshia. We play your albums quite frequently here at the Diva Chronicles villa. However, Keyshia's performance on the BET Awards was so bad, I thought I was watching a really bad version of Drag Idol. Lil' Kim tried to come out and help Keish out (where was Missy? I know Gay Pride season has started but she could've put the clit down to help out her girl). However, Keyshia's performance was doomed from the start. Good luck next time Keyshia girl.

BET AWARDS PLAY BY PLAY: JEEZY STEP BACK...KANYE STEP UP

Young Jeezy learned the hard way that if you're gonna share the stage with Kanye...you better be upon your game. Kanye stormed the stage and completely took over Jeezy's performance, leaving him to look and sound like Kanye's hype man.

BET AWARDS PLAY BY PLAY: JENNIFER, REMEMBER THE OSCAR

So Jennifer Let me Eat Cake Hudson presented an award with Terrance Howard. Now, we won't sneeze at fashion. Jennifer's outfit...FIERCE...her acting in the skit leading up to the award, however, was seriously left to be desired. Jennifer, honey, put the Effie act in the closet, you don't always have to speak like a slave when in public. Make Chicago proud!

BET AWARDS PLAY BY PLAY: USHER'S BACK WITH A VENGEANCE

If Usher would've actually sang rather than lip synch, his BET Award Opening performance would get perfect marks. Perfect way to start out the show and ebmark Justin Timberlake's much needed hibernation season. Timberlake rarely likes to be out the same time Usher is....maybe it's because everyone knows Timberlake is nothing but Usher bathed in a tube of white out.

WEEKLY BIT OF THROWBACK SCRUMPTULENCE: DENZEL WASHINGTON

Arguably one of the sexiest men that has graced the big scene, Denzel Washington has always carried himself with dignity and a cool swagger that makes white and black knees weak.

His particular brand of sexy knows no limit of time. Denzel was fine in the 80's and is still gorgeous now. So When did he look the best?


Mo Betta Blues? Artsy and playerish?


Philadelphia? Articulet and intelligent?


Or Training Day? Rough and edgy?

LOVE IS IN THE AIR

It's midnight, the mood is right, amd you are holding your girl tight. There is only one thing that is missing that would really bring this romantic moment to a climax.

You need... THUGGIN LOVE! Seagram Records brings you this classy two disc special that will tease and tantalize your musical and sexual senses.



Three 6 Mafia - Slob On My Knob
Lil' Jon & the Eastside Boys - Stick That Thang Out (Skeezer)
Jackie-O - Pussy Real Good
Akinyele - Put It In Your Mouth
Lil' Kim - How Many Licks
Nelly - Tip Drill
Plies - Ms. Pretty Pussy
50 Cent ft Lil' Kim - Magic Stick
Khia - My Neck, My Back
Akon - Smack That Ass
Snoop Dogg - I Just Wanna Fuck You
Trina ft Tweet - No Panties
Ludacris ft Trina & Foxy Brown - What's Your Fantasy (Remix)
...AND MORE

So take hold of that special someone, turn down the lights, and toast those forties to THUGGIN' LOVE. Available at Happy Liquor for $5.95.

DO YOU THINK TAMEKA FOSTER'S COOCH-CHOOCH SMELLS LIKE FARTS?

We do.

BAKE ANOTHER PIE MARTHA, YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE SOON

Lifestyle guru Martha Stewart was recently denied a British visa due to her criminal convictions four years ago.

Martha's people released a statement expressing Martha's love of the country and her hopes for the matter to be "resolved" soon.

Martha honey, you are now a felon. You and T.I. are cousins, invite him over so you can check out his gun collection. Maybe you can show him how to move some money around.

ENDAGERED DIVA #1

Well Tasia Mae, I do believe you are approaching your 14th minute of fame. Us blacks thought Fantasia would be the answer to modern music when we broke our fingers to get her that American Idol title and what do we get? Pink hair, crotch sweat, and cat suits is what we get.

You thought Tasia Mae would've got it pushing after Jennifer Let Me Eat Cake Hudson had her unbelievable year. (Expect us to include J Hud on this list soon...we've had an Effie before, we know how this thing is going to go down.)

However, Fantasia has fallen from being a talented and slightly illiterate media darling to being Lil Mo with a little rasp on her throat. She also missed 50 performances in the Color Purple and has let tawdry pictures (like the one shown above) pop up in the wrong hands.

I think your career can be saved Fantasia. So put down the dick and the baby and get in the studio! (and the gym)

CHEETAH WHAT, CHEETAH WHO?

Sweet P’s Candies and Desserts located in Oak Park, Illinois, has just announced that it is auditioning girls between 13 – 18 years of age to be a part of its new girl group (The Sweet P’s).

The group will perform at block parties, birthday parties, pajama parties, promotional events, and other special occasions. The new group will also march in Oak Park’s 4th of July parade. Auditions to be held Sunday July 2nd.

We think no auditions to need to be had. There are three girls with nothing to do we here at DC think are great fits. (see below)



We know these hoes from 3LW are old, but they need work!

WEE BIT OF WEEKLY SCRUMPTULENCE: JENSEN ATWOOD

I love me some Wade! He was the heart (and body) of Noah's Arc. Although, I missed his stint on the show Dante's Cove, I am definitely not gonna let his new calender slip through my hands.

Word on the street is that his new 16 month calender is flying off the shelves and we see why. The brotha is perfection and his smile is endearing and sensual at the same time.

Be sure to grab your copy of his calender too at www.menoferos.com.

DIVA IN DISTRESS: BERNADETTE STANIS

Going through a messy divorce? Just lost your mother to cancer? Losing your house to the man? Well, call up Bernadette Stanis and for $12.99 she will make your world feel all better!

We are not making this up! Go to her website www.myspace.com/thelmaofgoodtimes and read all about it. For a small fee, she will call you for any special occassion or celebration you can think of.

I don't know about you, but if Thelma from Good Times calls me, I am going to cuss her out for wasting my daytime minutes. If I would have to pick a washed up television diva to call me, I would at least pick Darius McCrary from Family Matters. Messing around with Superhead probably has given him some exciting stories to tell... and herpes.

WEEKLY MEMORIAL FUND: YVETTE WILSON

No one can play the role of the sassy, all up in your business neighbor better than Yvette Wilson. In the nineties, she was all over our televsion screens with Moesha, The Parkers, and Thea.

Thea Vidale. We must take up a collection for you as well. We know that you competing on Last Comic Standing was a blatant cry for help. Don't worry. We have some food stamps in the mail for you already.

But back To Yvette!

Yvette has not had work since Ashanti was an unknown, talentless furball stuck in Irv Gotti's throat. There has to be someone who could use her in there sitcom or movie. Couldn't she at least be cast as the new Pine-Sol lady or something? Or better yet, maybe she will have a stint on Celebrity Fit Club. Yvette, keep your fingers crossed. We believe in you.

ONE NIGHT ONLY WITH JENNIFER HUDSON

Guard your pies and gyros Chicago because Jennifer Hudson is back in town! We had the pleasure of hanging out with J. Hud as she shopped, ate, signed autographs, ate, digested, and made room for more!

First, Den Mother Tafeta Rose and I accompanied Ms. Lady Leggings to some of her favorite boutiques downtown on the Magnificent Mile: Charlotte Russ and Forever 21. We didn't stay for long though. Not only did Jennifer not find anything that she liked in her size besides a mauve moomoo with a plunging neckline, she was asked to leave due to getting mild sauce on some of the merchandise.

At first Jen was a little down, but she is a survivor. She bounced back quicker than a five year old off of her stomach. We went to grab a bite to eat at Bennigan's and all was forgotten.

Time really flew and we stayed after the restaurant closed. We decided to go down to Boystown to have a few drinks. Honey, all them queens were just all over Jennifer! They made her do an impromptu concert which included And I Am Telling You, Love You I Do, and Britney's Gimme More. Besides the occassional burping, she did great!

Den Mother Taffeta Rose had a vodka and pineapple, I got a long island, and Jennifer got a chocolate cake shot. I was intrigued. I ordered one too and it was actually very delicious. Jennifer had more than one and we ended up having to carry her out of the club.

All in all, it was a great time had. Look out for Jennifer in Sex and the City. She was fabulous!

WEEKLY PIECE OF FAGGOTRY: DIDDY

Just when we thought P. Diddy, Diddy, Puff Daddy, Madame Bendalot, or whatever he decides to be called this week couldn't get any more extra, he does something that just makes us ask why. Ms. Combs has told a UK magazine that he waxes... EVERYTHING!

"Then I'll have a manicure and pedicure - and yes, I wax as well. Men owe it to women to make sure they are well-groomed ... I wax my privates. I also wear my fragrance, Unforgivable Black," he said.

I wonder, does he have a landing strip down there or maybe it's in the shape of a pineapple symbolizing the fruit that he really he is?

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: REAL WORLD HOLLYWOOD

The Real World has renewed its franchise with season 20. The past few seasons have not had this much juice! Tonight's episode was delicious. But in case you didn't set your TiVo:

- After Joey left the show last week, the roommate counter was at 5. Two newbies were introduced, Brittany and Nick (see above for his scrumptulence).

- Brittany seems okay at first. She is a cool, modelesque black chick. Sparks between her and Will fly instantly. Something is going to happen... but when?

- Although Greg was tasty (in a cocky kind of way), Nick is definitely an upgrade. His personality is fresh, fun, and friendly. Perhaps a little too friendly. Ol' boy is getting mighty comfortable mighty soon.

- Brittany and Will's flirting is off the chain. Keep in mind that she has a boyfriend and, if you all remember, he has been kicking it with Janelle kinda hard lately. However, Janelle is out of town for a few days. When the cat is away...

- After a touch and go convo, Brittany brushes Will off. Will decides he will not talk to Brittany anymore... EVER! He wants to either bust her down or cut all ties with her. Wow!

I think that we are about to see tensions flair between Brittany and Will. They both want each other and its only a matter of time before Janelle gets left out in the cold. She got her fifteen minutes back in the limelight. She should be happy. I am sure Janelle will be on the next Real World/Road Rules challenge.

Previews for next week show Nick getting caused out. See what did we tell you about him getting too comfortable?

Tune in next week for our recap of the new show.

NAOMI SETTLES DISCRIMINATION SUIT

Diva Diva Naomi Campbell recently settled a discrimination with her former housekeeper.

Ivana Lovas took Campbell to an employment tribunal, accusing the star of making her life a "living hell" in the four months she was working for her.

Lovas also claimed that the supermodel abused her when she threatened to quit and criticized her language skills.


Okay, I never thought I'd say this but I side with Naomi on this one. This chile's tirades are well documented and anyone who willingly works for her has to know what they're getting themselves into. Naomi, keep your money in your pocket from now on. Tell these bitches to kiss your ass and keep it pushin'.

KANYE DISAPPOINTS FANS....AGAIN

Just when I was kicking myself for having to sell my Glow in the Dark Tour ticket due to scheduling conflicts, I hear Kanye stunk up the joint at the Bonnaroo Music and Arts Festival.

Kanye was an alarmingly 2 hours late for the show and was met with boos from fans as he took the stage.

To make matters worse, Kanye was originally scheduled to perform at 8:15p.m. He rescheduled to 2:15a.m. and still didn't show up until 4:25a.m.

Mr. West, there are too many hungry rappers out there for you to act as if you can't be dethroned. Remember the days you were hustling to get put on. Get your shit together. Chicago can't afford to lose you because of egotistical acts and laziness.

AMY BOOZEHAG PASSES OUT IN HOUSE

Amy Winehouse fainted at her London home and has been transported to a local hospital to undergo some tests.

Great. Doctors get to waste valuable money and time to reconfirm that Amy is a cracked out venereal diseased whore.

A WEE BIT OF WHITE SCRUMPTULENCE: DAVID BECKHAM

David Beckham is the most stylish, gorgeous, and sexy man around today. With rock hard abs and hair that belongs in a Pantene commercial, David is the reason why the phrase metrosexual was coined. He and his wife, Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham, are fashion icons that can't be confined to one continent.

Unfortunately for us, David and his metrosexual followers have thrown a monkey wrench in some of the most trained of gaydar detectors. Now some of the most macho of men can be seen in pastels and skinny jeans.

No matter what he is wearing or what hairstyle he is trying out, David you are yummy with a spoon. We would play with your soccer balls any day!

THERE SHE BLOWS!

Fiery soul singing diva, Chaka Khan was photographed in Sydney, Austrailia this weekend wearing this monstrosity of an ensemble. Someone at Lane Bryant needs to be harpooned for selling her this tacky leather freakum rag.

DEN MOTHER CLAY AIKEN HAS A CHILD THE SCIENTIFIC WAY

The flaming queen formerly known as Clay Aiken has gotten his best friend Jaymes Foster pregnant....via a turkey baster.

Foster, sister of reknowned song producer David Foster, is excited at the prospects of motherhood.

Okay, this whole thing has Will and Grace all over it. This is one birth we wish we could get the baby's opinion on. I mean, what kid in the world would want Clay Gayken as his motherfather?

YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!

The apple don't fall far from the tree! As you might have read, we kinda dogged out Bobby Brown in our Father's Day post. Hey, we couldn't help it! Any man who admittingly digs into Whitney Houston's culo to fetch a turd needs to be treated at least once. However, Bobby wasn't always wretched. Between the years 0f 1988 to 1992, he was somewhat delicious, but only for those four years.

Anyway, Bobby's oldest and almost forgotten son, Landon Brown, has gone and spoken against comedian Bill Bellamy. Yes, Bill "lost in 90's pop culture" Bellamy. The last time anybody gave a damn about his ass was when he was in that television show with Tiffany Amber Thiesen who play Kelly Kapowski on Saved by the Bell. Study your TV Guides. The show was called Fastlane and lasted 0.4 seasons.

"I don’t like Bill Bellamy and I don’t care who knows it," Landon says. "My mother and my manager would tell me not to say anything, but I don’t give a damn right now. I don’t like him. I was going to punch that nigga."

"He came to my step-father’s (Carl Payne of Martin fame) performance at Stevie’s. He picks up a bread basket, takes the bread out of the basket, takes the napkin out and walks around for a collection. He walks around and takes up a collection and then gives it to my father. It didn’t have to be Bill Bellamy! I could have been any man, any of my family. I hold them very highly. There’s no way you are going to disrespect my father like that and I’m not going to whip your ass. I should have whipped his ass right then and there, but my grandfather was there and he wanted to whip his ass too. You just don’t do that. You don’t disrespect at somebody’s show. And I hold a grudge!”

Well Landon, if you hold a grudge it should be against Bobby. We did get to see you once on the comical Being Bobby Brown show, but we all know that he was never there for you. And here you are trying to channel his spirit and bad boy attitude on MTV's Rock the Cradle. Although we think you are very tasty, maybe you need to spend your spare time trying to get into counseling sessions with your dear old dad. At least he is not locked up in county right now.

THE GHOST OF MICHAEL JACKSON DOES VEGAS?

Michael Jackson apparently is in talks to headine a show in Vegas. The show would help repay a $23 million dollar debt to Colony Capital, a company which recently saved his neverland ranch.

Look, we're all for digging up vintage talent, but with R. Kelly's perverted ass just being officially let back into general population, we aren't too hyped to support the comeback of another Chester the Molester.

HE'S AT IT AGAIN YA'LL

Mike Tyson is accused of paying $50,000 to put out a hit on a gang member.

The allegation was made by Dwayne Meyers, a reputed former member of the Cash Money Brothers gang, the AP reports.

Meyers testified at the trial of Abubakr Raheem,who's accused of driving a getaway car after turf-war killings.

No word on whether charges will be filed, but if the current O.J. debacle is any indication, expect a trial and a spectacle.

DIVA MOMENT OF THE WEEK: AL SHARPTON QUEENS OUT ON LIL WAYNE

Sheriff Hustler Deacon Reverand Al Sharpton is vexed with Lil Wayne over "Misunderstood," a song that mocks Sharpton and questions his integrity.



The song says:

“You see, you are no MLK/ You are no Jesse Jackson/ You are nobody to me/ You’re just another Don King with a perm/ Just a little more political/ And that just means you a little more un-human/ Than us humans/ And now let me be human by saying/ F**k Al Sharpton and anyone like him”


Sharpton had his people call TV blogs The Daily Fix with a response.

“While some of the rappers don’t like the fact that Rev. Sharpton has been leading marches against the degradation of women in music, a Gallup poll released last week revealed that Rev. Sharpton has a 50% approval rate among African-Americans. So why dignify a response to one rap artist who doesn’t even say anything substantive," a Sharpton rep said.

Oh come the fuck on. Al takes the high road when his integrity is outright questioned but fights like a dog at the trivial war of what Nas should name his album. Hate to say this but Weezy is right, Sharpton is a false leader supports the cause that he can financial capitalize on.

And in case any of us forgot, when have we ever trusted a brutha with a perm?

A LITTLE BIT OF THROWBACK SCRUMPTULENCE: PRINCE

Prince graces the new cover of Jet Magazine as he celeberates his 50th birthday. Other than Beyonce, Prince is the only bitch in Hollywood who rocks heels, and rocks them well.

His heals, perm and all, we here at Diva Chronicles both agree that we would let that little perm and mascara having goddess get the goods. He is just that sexy!

KEEP IT CUTE HONEY!!!

Shante Broadus was arrested on drunk driving charges, officially proving just why Snoop's triflin ass is with her.

We don't get it. These celebrities claim to make oodles of money but don't think to spend the extra bread to get a personal driver.

Shante. Baby. Girl. You're a mother. Please be more responsible. Keep it cute!